If I ruled the world, I'd make sure that anyone who sold perfume and/or cologne could only do so if they agreed to explicitly instruct the buyers on its proper application and usage. When misused, perfume and cologne can be more offensive than body odor. I almost died of asphyxiation tonight, trapped on an airport shuttle with an overly zealous perfume user.
Seriously, people. One squirt is PLENTY.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Everything I needed to know I didn't learn in the sub training seminar.
OK, so that might not be completely true. I did learn how to operate the online system for lining up substitute teaching positions. And I learned that, as a sub, I am not supposed to take up a child's cell phone, even if they are texting/talking on it in class. (What the???)
They began the training seminar with a video. It is sappy video about a problem child whose life was turned around by his teacher. At the end of the video, the now grown child thanks his teacher for changing his life, and the teacher says - you guessed it - "No. Thank you for changing my life." There were people in the room crying. Seriously.
The point of this schmaltz-fest, according to the instructor, was to impress upon us the importance of our jobs, imparting the knowledge that a substitute teacher has the power to change lives.
Except the video wasn't about a substitute teacher, it was about a teacher who spent time with the child every day. But we weren't supposed to focus on that, apparently.
The girl sitting next to me didn't have a college degree. The woman behind me, during a group exercise, spelled the word "asks" with an E...askes...TWICE. The woman at the table in front of me spoke - literally - NO English. The leader of the seminar spent a great deal of time telling us things like, "Make sure you wear deodorant," and "Ladies, don't wear shirts that reveal your midriff." She pronounced the word "escalate" like it had a U in it - "esculate." We spent a long time discussing bathroom breaks.
Isn't it exciting to know we have the power to change lives?
They began the training seminar with a video. It is sappy video about a problem child whose life was turned around by his teacher. At the end of the video, the now grown child thanks his teacher for changing his life, and the teacher says - you guessed it - "No. Thank you for changing my life." There were people in the room crying. Seriously.
The point of this schmaltz-fest, according to the instructor, was to impress upon us the importance of our jobs, imparting the knowledge that a substitute teacher has the power to change lives.
Except the video wasn't about a substitute teacher, it was about a teacher who spent time with the child every day. But we weren't supposed to focus on that, apparently.
The girl sitting next to me didn't have a college degree. The woman behind me, during a group exercise, spelled the word "asks" with an E...askes...TWICE. The woman at the table in front of me spoke - literally - NO English. The leader of the seminar spent a great deal of time telling us things like, "Make sure you wear deodorant," and "Ladies, don't wear shirts that reveal your midriff." She pronounced the word "escalate" like it had a U in it - "esculate." We spent a long time discussing bathroom breaks.
Isn't it exciting to know we have the power to change lives?
Monday, November 17, 2008
Once more unto the breach, dear friends.
Tomorrow, I'll be spending the day training to become...
a substitute teacher.
No, I'm not kidding. I'm just a sick, sick person.
Here's my justification: certified teachers who sub in this district get paid pretty well. I don't have to plan lessons or grade papers. I can choose when I want to work. I get to leave when the bell rings at the end of the day. And I'll probably get some good stories out of it.
Still, there's a vision of me facing a roomful of snarky high school students who all swear to me that they don't have assigned seats and that their teacher actually lets them snort lines off their desks before the lesson starts.
I hope they cover that in the training tomorrow. It will undoubtedly be enlightening.
a substitute teacher.
No, I'm not kidding. I'm just a sick, sick person.
Here's my justification: certified teachers who sub in this district get paid pretty well. I don't have to plan lessons or grade papers. I can choose when I want to work. I get to leave when the bell rings at the end of the day. And I'll probably get some good stories out of it.
Still, there's a vision of me facing a roomful of snarky high school students who all swear to me that they don't have assigned seats and that their teacher actually lets them snort lines off their desks before the lesson starts.
I hope they cover that in the training tomorrow. It will undoubtedly be enlightening.
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