I have been approached by several different people, all with the same (ridiculous) question: when are you going to write a book about your teaching experience? My reply, until recently, has been "not anytime soon," mainly because I felt like people were putting me on. I mean, who the heck wants to read a book about how much my job sucked? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Anyway, I've actually been considering the possibility of writing this book recently. I have some extra time on my hands, and I swear people keep asking me about it, so maybe I'll just do it.
"Yes, but you said something about a CONTEST," you might say. Indeed I did. Here's the deal. I need a title for my book. My book about teaching eighth grade English for one year. I thought of "The Inferno," but that one has, apparently, been taken. Damn you, Dante.
The person who comes up with the best title will receive a FREE copy of my book. Assuming I write it, of course. If I don't write it, the person who comes up with the best title gets to live life as an amazingly witty person. And really, isn't that reward enough?
I may not actually USE your title (or I might - I'm crazy like that), but my hope is that I'll get some interesting submissions at the very least. Submit as many titles as you want. Have fun!
9 comments:
How about "288 Days in Hell"
This could be positioned on the bookshelves right next to Don Piper's "90 Minutes in Heaven". People would buy the book thinking you had actually gone to hell and lived to tell about it. Then they would read the book and realize that teaching 8th grade English is hell. And, well... I'm not sure where I'm going with this. (And this is why I have never been asked when *I* am writing a book....)
OK, how about "The English Teacher's Affair" and you could throw in a sordid love triangle with a pimply faced boy and his pet goat. Oh, wait, that's totally not what your story is about. (But, as the writer you have the freedom to write whatever you want...)
Oh wait, here's a good one: "Teaching Middle School Sucks" Catchy, no?
Well, Ms. Hotsy McFarland, there is only one title for the book:
"Hot For Teacher"
Here are some I thought of.
"OMG! I tried to teach Middle School English"
"Success is not an Option"
"Left Behind; the child"
Five suggestions:
1) "Aforementioned Thuglets and Other Sundry Riff-Raff" (which is one of your lines)
2) "No Teacher Left Behind"
3) "The 10th Circle of Hell: What Dante Could Learn From A Former Middle School English Teacher"
4) "Mrs. McFarland, what's you last name?"
5) "Dude, Would You Hit That?" (probably not a great title, but it's my favorite entry from the whole year)
Oddly, I've been working on a similar tome, only it is more of a satire of the ridiculous aspects of the institution (the moral equivalent of TPS reports) rather than the kids. If this thing ever happens, I'll have to quit my job, though. As for the title of your book, I might take an idea from a poster in the hall at school. It read "Failure is not an option," only someone had added in the word 'to' after is. Failure is to an option. Sigh. Laura
FAIL
The Second Inferno
I think you really must use the phrase "success deferred" because "failure" is just too traumatizing. The title should also be in red ink. (This assumes they also discourage middle school teachers from grading in red like they do college instructors -- something about resembling blood?!?!)
Another option: "Aryan Speaking Jews, MLK's Theses, and Other Things You Never Learned About in Middle School".
I really enjoy all of these title suggestions! Unfortunately, only one can be the winner. (Of course, that isn't what we teach in schools these days. We teach that EVERYONE is a winner! YAY!) Not so on this blog. That's life. My blog = life. Keep that in mind.
So, my favorite title from the various submissions is...
No Teacher Left Behind.
Congratulations, Bryan. Whenever I get around to writing this book, I'll send you a copy fo' free.
Close second? "Success Deferred," written in red ink. :-)
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