It has come to my attention that students will occasionally purchase Christmas/winter holiday gifts for their teachers. I'm not personally expecting any this year...generally, you give gifts to people you LIKE, after all. Unless the gift is a fecal gram.
Anyway, I thought I might provide a couple of lists to help out the parents out there who just don't know what to get for that special teacher who has finally made learning FUN for their child. Because, let's face it, that teacher deserves a little sumpin' sumpin'.
First of all, let me start with the 5 things you should NOT get your child's teacher. Most teachers do not want or need any more of the following items:
1) Inspirational coffee mugs
2) Decorative teacher jewelry (you know what I'm talking about)
3) Candy/fruitcake/cookies. We'd rather use up those calories on booze. Oh, is that just me? Whatever.
4) Cash money. As much as I hate to put this one on the list, it isn't a great idea. It looks too much like a bribe. *Sigh*
5) Bath oils, soaps, lingerie, scented candles, or a Barry White CD. Because, ew.
And now, the list of 5 items you should DEFINITELY get your child's teacher. If you can't decide between them, get them all! Lord knows the teacher works hard enough.
1) Xanax. It makes everyone's holidays a little brighter. It is the gift that keeps on giving.
2) A gift certificate to an expensive restaurant. It doesn't seem quite so much like a bribe if it is a gift card. I don't know why.
3) Booze. See item #3 on the previous list.
4) Extra vacation days. Hey, if you can swing it, your child's teacher will be eternally grateful.
5) A personal assistant. If I had someone to help me grade essays, I would easily cut my hours-per-week down to a cool 84.
And, if you can't swing any of those sweet items, a sincere "thank you" is always appreciated. I know I'm soliciting thanks, which is really tacky and all that, but teachers are really an under appreciated group of folks. Like the people who come by your house twice a week and pick up your garbage. Or the people who clean up roadkill. I mean, who thanks them?
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2 comments:
There was actually an article in this week's Parade magazine (in the newspaper) on what to get teachers and what not to get teachers. It def. varied from yours in a few places, but still good that someone thought it was worthwhile to get out there. :-)
I have already received:
18 candycanes, 12 hershey kisses, an inspirational mug, lotion, home-made wine (HUZZAH!), and dry-erase markers. The last one, I believe, was a pity gift from a student who could no longer read the faded scribbles on the board.
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