My head is spinning.

I've reached the point in my weight again where I've taken it upon myself to (a)join the YMCA and (b)take as many spinning classes as possible during the week. I've done this before, and it helped shed light on the subtle differences between men and women.

Anyway, it just so happens that the rotation of classes I take are mostly taught by the same woman. Generally, female instructors tend to talk more than male instructors. She's a good instructor, but the class as a whole is a little...quirky.

First of all, the instructor is a cyclist. As in, she actually rides in races and stuff, not just this fake crap on the stationary bike. Sometimes,* she talks to us as if we're really riding bikes outside, racing together in a pack like the Tour de France or something. Every now and then, she'll make a reference to "Lance." She'll tell us that we have to listen to the bikes behind us so they don't "gain on you." Hey lady: the bikes aren't going anywhere. I hope the voices aren't gaining on you.

All this to say: this kind of imaginative role-playing spinning class draws in a very mixed crowd. There are folks like me, just trying to get in shape and maybe shed a few pounds, who typically dress in a T-shirt and shorts or yoga-style pants. Then, there are the cyclists. I don't know why they aren't out actually riding their bikes that move, but they aren't. They are in the spinning class, and they are wearing head to toe SPANDEX. Not just the biking shorts - the whole shebang. And yes, this includes the men, too. In fact, one man came in the other day and I almost fell off my bike. This man was shaped liked Homer Simpson, but he was wearing a black and green cycling spandex bodysuit.

Listen, people. I thought the whole sleek spandex bodysuit thing was to help decrease wind resistance. For racing. On bikes that move. So why are you wearing these outfits to a spinning class?

*"Sometimes," as it is used here, means "all the time."