I Might as Well...

OK, so I was talking with someone tonight about various pet peeves, and we came across one in particular that I feel the need to rant about for a bit (especially with 16 ounces of Krispy Kreme mocha running through my veins). Caveat: those of you who know me know that I am no fashion guru. Jeans and T-Shirts are my apparel of choice, so perhaps I don't have much right to comment on the fashion habits of others. There are, however, two very disturbing trends that may or may not be a direct result of what I will now call the "over-Britney-Spearification of America."

Trend One: The Graphic Tee
In general, I have few objections to these. They are T-shirts, after all. However, I have to draw the line here:


Other shirts in this category are those that say "Hottie," "Sex Kitten," "Tell Your Boyfriend to Stop Staring," "I'm With Him Because He Appreciates Perfection," "Cutie Pie," "MILF in Training," "Princess," and...well, you get the picture. Who was the first person to wear one of these shirts, and who were the stupid people who told her it was even remotely attractive? I am sorry, but if you insist on emblazoning "SEX KITTEN" across your chest, chances are YOU AREN'T ONE. I suppose that the appeal of these T-shirts will remain, for now, one of life's great mysteries.

Trend Two: Shorts With Words on the Butt
I know you have seen them. They are ubiquitous. You could escape seeing these only if you lived in a monastery. Perhaps. Same concept as the Graphic Tee, only the words are not across the chest, they are across the butt. First of all, ladies, let me just say to you...if your butt merits a look or two, there is NO need for you to write anything on it. Men will look, even in the absence of "HOT" on one cheek and "MAMA" on the other. They are men, aren't they? Second of all, writing "SLUT" across your hindquarters is not the, um, classiest way to go about getting some attention. Furthermore, showing school spirit by putting "BAMA" on your hiney is...well, frankly, it is silly. You are SITTING on the name, for cryin' out loud (Hm...maybe that is the best place for someone to print "BAMA." I mean, if it has to be printed someplace, it might as well be there...).

These fashion trends have transformed me into a spluttering mess. I can't articulate how much these things bewilder me. Don't get me wrong -- I am savvy to the reason girls wear these things, but I can't help but wonder: "How did we get here? And how can we get back to that lovely little place called Dignity?"