Spider-Man 3: Peter's got Saturday Night Fever
Spider-Man 3: 3 story lines, 3 villains, 3 hours you'll never get back
Spider-Man 3: Really, for the first hour, it's really just Spider-Man 1 and 2 again
Spider-Man 3: America ROCKS!
Here's my alternate title for it: Spider-Man 3: Don't waste your time. OK, so the CG was good (Sandman was awesome; he got half of his face shaved off by an oncoming subway train), and I always enjoy Topher Grace, but the movie was, as a whole, totally lame. Case in point: as Spidey makes his big entrance for the climactic battle sequence at the end, there is a lingering close up of him with a giant American flag as his background. At this point, I audibly said to the theatre at large, "Oh, give me a break!" Really, nothing says "America" like a dude in spandex fighting a guy made out of sand and another guy who has been taken over by black goop from outer space.*
Oh yes. The black goop from outer space that turned Peter Parker all emo also made him a swaggering John-Travolta-esque dancing queen. At one point in the movie, Tobey Maguire does an all-out dance number in a bar where MJ is working.
He's angry because he paid $8.50 to watch that lame-ass dance sequence, too.
The final thing about this movie that got to me was the scene where Harry (the son of the Green Goblin from the first movie) regains his memory (after having lost it in an early battle royale with Spider-Man). He gets into a fight with MJ and, after she leaves, he decides to swig some whiskey out of a crystal decanter. Suddenly, he experiences flashes from his past that help him remember that Spider-Man killed his father, that Peter Parker is Spider-Man, and that all Harry wants in life is to avenge his father's death.
Now, tell me this, Internet. Since when has drinking whiskey made anyone regain their memory? You know, the movie had me with the whole evil-black-ooze-from-outer-space storyline, and they totally had me believing that Thomas Hayden Church had been de-molecularized and turned into a being composed of sand AND flesh. As soon as Harry regained his memory from drinking that whiskey, though -- I was gone. There's NO WAY that could happen.
* If we're drawing the Spider-Man/America parallel, though, I'd have to say that Donald Rumsfeld is Venom, Dick Cheney is Sandman, and George W. Bush is Mary Jane.
13 comments:
Apparently, here in Winston, there was wild, open laughter in the theater when the American flag thing happened.
I wasn't there, though. I find it morally reprehensible for people to spend 250 bazillion dollars on a crappy comic book film when there are people dying of hunger and disease. And to then not entertain us with said spending? Pshaw.
I'm sorry, Susanna, I just had to remind you how much I love you.
Lots of money spent in production...
Lots of hype about how great the product is going to be...
Lots of people spent money to go see it...
Even the biggest fans went away disappointed with the results...
Most everyone, though, will return to see if the next time the results will be any different.
Did you review "Spider-Man 3" or twenty plus years of Auburn football? Just wondering.
Oh, Bryan. I know you're from Ohio, where they're just now learning "letters form words and words form sentences" and all that, but I thought the two pictures from the movie would at least help boost your reading comprehension.
Pretty smart words for a woman from a state where "y'all" is considered a legitimate contraction.
Oh, give me a break. Like "you'ns" is so much better. At least we contract the appropriate words: "you all." Not "you ones."
Yes. I thought Alabama was a redneck place until I went to Ohio and realized that they actually play a game called "Cornhole" there.
There is no way Ohio is more redneck than Alabama. In Alabama people still fly the Confederate Flag, eat grits, and worship Larry the Cable Guy. Women still do big hair and you can buy collard greens at the local flea market. Auburn fans actually believe Forrest Gump played for Bear Bryant and for that very reason refuse to still see the movie. For Pete's sake, they call Gulf Shores "The Redneck Riviera".
And which state has more Southern Baptist churches?
I rest my case.
Bryan, actually the "Redneck Riviera" is Panama City, FL, but thanks for playing.
Bryan, I really didn't want to get into this. If you had only trounced Auburn, I would have simply written you off. However, your third post went a bit too far. So, do you want to talk about redneck and confederate flags? Well, the Southern Poverty and Law Center is the leading organization fighting against hate groups in America. (The church has abdicated that responsibility as well.) They keep a watch on hate groups. Below is a link to their map of hate groups. You might want to check it out.
http://www.splcenter.org/index.jsp
Now, if y'all don't mind, I think I'll have some grits and collards.
Actually, here is the link to the map.
http://www.splcenter.org/intel/map/hate.jsp
So...did any of y'all notice how lame that Spider-Man 3 movie was?
Well, I am definitely waiting for Spiderman 3 to come out on DVD, if I see it at all. I couldn't really tell if this 'bryan' person was being tongue-in-cheek or not, but has he ever been to Southern Ohio? No, not Cincinnati-Southern Ohio, but Ironton, South Point, etc? Has he seen the parts of Ohio that border Appalachian West Virginia? You know what they say about those in glass houses . . .
Laura
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