Would you join me for a party in my pity?

[Let me preface this post by saying that I know, in the grand scheme of things, this is not, in actuality, a big deal.]

It happens to someone every year. Some pseudo-intellectual English M.A. student is typing away, pretending like she actually knows enough to get through this abysmally long paper, hoping to complete her Master's thesis before the deadline, when...suddenly...KABLOOEY!!! Computer crash! Total system failure! The decline of Western civilization! Armageddon!

Wait, no. Not those last two. Just the crashing part. Also, I debated between "KABLOOEY" and "BLAMMO." I think either would be effective.

Luckily, I didn't wait for the blue screen of death to descend upon my laptop before taking it to the Geek Squad over at Best Buy. I noticed that my computer was behaving sluggishly, then it would freeze periodically, occasionally all of the desktop icons would disappear, and starting up and/or shutting down could take what seemed like a thousand years. And then...and THEN...the grinding. OH, the grinding. I knew the computer was sick, but the grinding is the equivalent to the retching sound a sick human makes before throwing up. It was time to go to the doctor. Or to the geektor. (And, as an aside, I'd just like to say that "Geek Squad" = appropriately named.)

So my little laptop is spending some time at Best Buy, recuperating, getting the equivalent of Mucinex for whatever is gunking up its insides. I'm sitting at home, using the real Mucinex for whatever is gunking up my lungs, and using the old Wake Forest laptop for a few days, so I can still work on the thesis (I can hear the sighs of relief being breathed throughout the land) and maybe even check email and suchlike. Also, everything on my hard drive had been backed up last weekend, so all my data is safe and soound. All in all, the whole ordeal isn't too bad. But parties are fun, right? Woooooo pity party! (They never attract big crowds like keg parties, do they?)

So let me just say this: If my laptop had simply HELD ON for four more lousy weeks, none of this would have happened. I could have finished my thesis and told that computer hasta la freakin vista. As it is, though, the Geeks at Best Buy get a little richer, I get a little poorer, my computer gets a makeover, and I still have to write the dang thesis. Oh, goodness, graduation will be such sweet, sweet redemption.

The moral of this tale is to always update your virus protection on your computer, and also, to maybe go "Awwww" when you read the story.