Here's the deal. As you know, Waffle House serves its hash browns in many different ways. So many ways, in fact, that they claim that there are 1,572,864 different ways to enjoy their hash browns. For starters, you can get them scattered, smothered, covered, peppered, diced, capped, chunked, topped, or any combination of the above. Need an explanation? I hope not. But if you are unfortunate enough to not have your very own Waffle House experience, here's a translation:
- Scattered: Nekkid. Plain. Just on the grill.
- Smothered: add some onions
- Covered: or some cheese
- Chunked: how 'bout some Hickory Smoked Ham?
- Peppered: mmmm...jalapenos. Spicy.
- Diced: add some fresh (or not so) tomatoes
- Capped: 'shrooms, man. 'Shrooms.
- Topped: pour some of Bert's Chili all over those bad boys
Or...OR...(and this is where the Hash Brown Challenge comes in)...
You can get them SCATTERED ALL THE WAY. Oh yes. That means you can get everything on the list lovingly mashed up together with your delicious hash browns. Making them, of course, even MORE delicious. (What's more, if Blogger's image uploading function wasn't on the fritz, I have an actual picture of this delightful concoction to share with you. Stupid unfunctioning image function. I BLOW MY NOSE AT YOU, BLOGGER IMAGE UPLOADING FUNCTION! And if you don't begin to work soon, I shall taunt you a second time.)
So, the challenge is (I'm getting there, don't be so impatient!) to get a bunch of folks together, drive on down to the Waffle House, and each order a plate of hash browns SCATTERED ALL THE WAY. (I imagine that coming across in a very loud, impressive, important-sounding, and echo-y voice. You probably should, too.) Once you have your orders of yummy hash browns, go to it. The person who eats his (or hers) the fastest wins! "Wins what?" you might ask. Well, we're working on that. We think there should be a trophy involved. Plus, you automatically win a free colon cleansing, just for taking the challenge at all. All in all, though, you win the respect and admiration of your fellow challenge participants, plus you'll probably have a few laughs along the way. What more could you ask for?
(P.S. Stay tuned for my next post about a celebrity sighting right here in Kentucky!!!)
5 comments:
Did you collide with a drunken John Michael Montgomery on Nicholasville Road?
OK-since the picture uploader thingy isn't working you and Nolan get a pass for not posting any wedding pix. As for the challenge, I have yet to experience the great southern tradition of the Waffle House, not sure if my California sensibilities can handle it, or my lack of immunity to what ever breeds on the grill at our local Waffle House. I don't think even a bottle of Napa's finest could wash that down! But, I will have my proxy, Monk, compete for me. I have every faith in him, he survived food poisoning while deployed to Saudi and also while back in training in San Anton, he poisoned his entire flight class with bad bar-b-que. So, he should be immune to anything Waffle House can dish out. We're a shoe-in for the trophy! I'll clear a space behind the toilet to display it.
One time I had my freshman write haikus about the Waffle House. Some of them were truly inspiring. I can't fully take credit for the idea. A kid thought it up and I went with it. Here's one:
O shiny griddle!
How many sticks of butter
nobly gave their lives?
I believe that many poetic possibilities lie in that long list of adjectives, don't you?
I am a Waffle House hashbrown junkie myself, so I'm up for any competition. And by the way, my brother coined the phrase "beat to hell and back" to name the "scattered all the way" browns. :-)
Susanna,
When traveling, I succumb to the WH lure ALL of the time. One of my favorite "scattered all the way" synonyms: "TRASHED", as in "DOUBLE HASH BROWNS TRASHED".
What restaurant meal could be healthier or more reasonably priced?
RGeek
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